look no pants
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
