shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
