We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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