MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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