This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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