i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
