I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
