Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
