I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
