i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
