Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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