We named our party play list daddy issues
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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