the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
