Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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