Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
