Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
