You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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