2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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