I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
