just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Randomize
