She said her name was "party"
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
