She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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