just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
me + whiskey = a bad person
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
