Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Are my feet made of real feet?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
