Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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