I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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