i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
