The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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