3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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