did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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