I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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