It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
