I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
