i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Randomize
