idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
