It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
