so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
