My room smells like vodka and shame
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
