Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
