I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
