With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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