id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
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