I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
