No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
