Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can't turn off my feet"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
