its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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