My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
