My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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