swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
