Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Randomize
