He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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