her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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