you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
two words: eviction party
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
